last night, by accident, i tapped one of my old pregnancy applications on my iPhone.

i had put in the expected due date of mikka the last time i opened it and had already read the ‘what to expect’ sections of the coming weeks.

i would have almost been 17 weeks by now.  2nd trimester.

naturally, i cried.

the same questions surfaced again, “why a miscarriage?” “why infant death?” “why abuse and neglect for innocent children around the world?”

but i know the ‘why’ questions should be pointed at me. why do i feel i have the authority to question God.  why do i direct my wrath towards him when i know He hasn’t towards me.

we remember God’s justice (because God never does anything ‘wrong’), but we are quick to forget God’s mercy.

jesus. dane. caleb. family. security. home. jesus. money. food. clothes. jesus.

God is holy.

i am not.

i would not like a world where i made all the rules.  who dies, who lives.  i would get it wrong ALL of the time.  i would be stressed ALL the time. i would have no life. no comforts.

so, today, i remember God’s mercy on my life.

because it far exceeds his justice.

Jesus is enough.

2 comments on “

  1. This makes me sad, yet glad. I really like you and wish I had 50 friends like you… or you could just move to Stillwater and I would just need 1 of you to be my friend.

  2. mom henson says:

    Oh, my heart cries out as does yours. We love little Mikka and could not wait to meet face to face!!! We will.

    Sadness and the comfort of grace and mercy intertwined deeply in our souls. He knew and knows the depth of our pain and He is SOVEREIGN. That word alone needs years of study and sermons and wisdom from Him!

    I love you so and it is good to let the tears fall as He gathers them up.

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